Homeschooling & Hearing Christ

So why did we stop homeschooling? It's a long story, but if you are willing to listen, I am willing to share...

So about a year ago, I began to feel that Homeschool Mom angst. You know the one where you are sure your kids are horribly behind and may never catch up. Where you wonder if you are doing them a disservice by keeping them home. Where you struggle knowing that you just can't give them what you would like too trying to juggle five kiddos, a home and a hubby... yes, that one.

So, we decided to hire help.

We found a fantastic gal to come three days a week to sit with our littlest ones so that I might be freed up to work more intently with our oldest two. It looked good on paper. But when the rubber met the road we found that, more and more, the boys were resisting this "focused school time". And I don't blame them, it was a bit unnatural. All playing and fun had to cease in order for 'learning' to take place.

Well we made it through the school year... barely, and I began to look into other methods of homeschooling. I was searching for something that would be child friendly, would encourage their interests and really spark that love of learning. After reading many books I came upon something called Unschooling, and again, it looked good on paper.

A very general idea of Unschooling is for the learning to be child led. (Trust me when I say that I am no expert whatsoever on the matter, so please take my understanding of it with a grain of salt... a rather large grain.) Whatever the child may take interest in you pursue. An example might be, when they discover a beautiful Agate while out exploring nature that catches their fancy, you dive into a time of rock exploration and geology until their interest feigns. Then you simply move on to what catches their eye next. Perhaps it's dinosaurs or painting or maybe even stop motion animation. The possibilities are endless!

And so, for the summer we chose to throw all expectations out the window and to let the kiddos run with their interests. Caleb took a liking to gold mining. He built his own wash plant and dug with fervor in the front yard sure he would strike it rich sooner or later. We ordered a sifting pan and even caught a few episodes of "Gold Rush" together on Amazon Prime. He was sure he would be the next Parker Schnabel.

Levi quickly took a liking to time on the Wii. He could focus for hours conquering level after level of whichever game he chose. We purchased the gaming guide for Super Mario Brothers and he would pour over it, studying each page to see how the next level might be passed. He began to strategize and plot. It was exciting to see his mind come alive!

However, in encouraging each child to pursue their own interests, we also began to see more self-centered living, more entitlement and a general disregard for each other. It was disheartening. We were uncertain of how to embrace this new found joy for learning yet still foster kindness and consideration for others.

It was at this time that we came across a video about Montessori education. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GcgN0lEh5IA&feature=share) Micah and I watched it separately and didn't say much. I phoned a Montessori school within our area and asked about the enrollment policy and was informed that nearly every grade had a waiting list and they would begin taking applications in February for next Fall. Ok, no big deal.

A few days later I asked Micah what he thought about the Montessori Education video and if it was something he would be interested in pursuing for the kids at some point. He replied with an enthusiastic 'yes'! As we began to talk about it, we agreed that the hands on education is what we had hoped to give our children, but the reality of life had gotten the best of us.

We were struggling with energy and enthusiasm.

Getting a break from the daily grind was a rarity.

Life with five kids had taken a toll on us and we had slipped into survival mode.

We felt alone and defeated.

In desperation I phoned the school again, on a Thursday morning, hoping maybe they could sneak our third grader in. (Caleb was hungry for more social interaction, and four siblings just wasn't cutting it!) The sweet secretary took the names and ages of our children and said she would talk with the administration and get back to us. We waited and waited and eventually the phone rang. I was informed that they were able place Caleb in a class!! As well, they were willing to bypass the waiting lists for the other two and place Levi and Elijah as well. I was speechless.

We attended a tour the next day and on a Monday morning they started their first day.

That afternoon as I sat filling out their paperwork, I began to think:

"What has happened to me?!"

"I am enrolling my children in a public school!"

"I never thought I would be doing this!"

And then it hit me... as I continue to seek the face of Christ, I am reminded that the stereotypes and judgments that I had once held concerning what is and is not "godly" continue to fall away. And again I am humbled. I had such peace. I truly felt as though Christ had opened this door for us and we were running straight through it.

In one of the Unschooling books I had read, the author was insistent in saying,

"Stop listening to the parenting advice of other well meaning authors and bloggers and look at the children you have right in front of you. What do they want? What are they asking you for?"

It was the first time in my eight years as a mom that I had stopped to look my kids square in the eyes and consider their desires.

It's sad I know.

Up until this point I had read dozens of well written Parenting and Homeschooling books. I had made my plan and was forcing my kids into this finely crafted cookie cutter that I had picked up at the latest Homeschooling Conference...

But why? How could I be so blind?

Well, because I thought it would guarantee me a certain outcome. I thought that one path was more holy, more noble, and worthy of more praise than another. I was convinced that other avenues were sure to bring about doom and destruction. I couldn't see past myself to see how big Christ truly is. How He is in all, by all, through all and uses ALL for His glory... even a public school education.

And so, we have taken a step back.

We are choosing to lay aside the well meaning advice of the scores of others around us to look square in the face of Christ and ask, "What is it that you want from us?"

As simple as that sounds, we often find that His ways are not our ways. In fact Scripture actually says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD." (Isaiah 55:8)

Being willing to seek His ways has meant that we must die to ourselves. We have had to admit our prior judgments and stereotypes and eat a serious slice of humble pie. We also find that at times we are asked to walk paths that are often counter "christian cultural", and that is not always easy. It is often lonely and misunderstood.

Yet the freedom we have experienced is beyond words. And so we put one foot in front of the other.

Today that means not homeschooling. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

When you look Christ square in the eyes, what is He speaking to you?