The past 12 months have been some of the hardest, most dream dashing months I have yet to trod. I have gone radio silent for the past 6 months in anticipation of this post... awaiting the final decision of the State, and this past week it arrived.
As you may recall from my earlier posts, we placed our kiddos in the local Montessori school and were facing quite a battle with one of our dear sons. I dropped off from blogging about it because things were getting so intense. Slamming doors, rooms destroyed, anger, violence... flat out hatred. It was a living nightmare. Each day I hit the gym after dropping the kids off at school just to avert the depression that loomed at my door.
Mid to late February all things came to a head when we were handed a preliminary diagnosis of Autism.
I don't know if you know what that is like... to watch all of your dreams for your child diminish in a matter of seconds. But there are nights I would lay awake wondering. Wondering if he would one day be able to marry and live happily. Could he sustain a relationship long enough and care deeply enough to make it last? Would he have children and father them as amazingly as he has been.
A portion of my journal from this time read like this:
That is what it has become these days.
One foot in front of the other as we plod along just working to survive until bedtime.
We have been dealt a blow... a shaky preliminary diagnosis that seems insurmountable.
Yet we have no choice.
If we don't, then who will?
If we give up, what future does he have?
In the past few months I have likened our life to living on an island filled with mine fields.
Or to beginning a marathon that we didn't know we signed up for... and if I am honest, that I didn't even want to sign up for.
Yet time and time again, in the midst of my questioning, Christ shows up.
This time the conversation went something like this:
I know what it is to be unexpected. To have everyone banking on you being someone else, only to be let down by the reality of who you are. To be disappointed at what it is you are. I get that. I am not who they thought I was going to be, and neither is your son. He is so much more then meets the eye.
We informed his school immediately of the diagnosis and within 7 days he was provoked to anger twice in such a way that they felt the need to physically restrain him to the floor "for his own safety", he was suspended for 5 days and they were moving to have him expelled from their school; stating that they didn't have the resources to work with "a child like him".
Long story short, I didn't sleep for nearly 72 hours. I spent every minute researching educational laws.
It was illegal, all of it.
We began phoning the Minnesota Department of Education asking for help. We attended School Board meetings, met with several different districts in our area to find our son help. It wasn't an easy process, but we did eventually make it through a Special Education evaluation in which they also confirmed an educational diagnosis of Autism.
We pulled all three of our sons from that school and moved them to the local public school where we were able to get him the help he needs. And, amazingly, he went from being a child that was hiding in the classroom, attempting to flee the building, being physically aggressive with the staff members; to being a Star Student of the Week within a months time.
I weep... with joy and sadness.
As a form of closure and to hopefully prevent anything like this from happening to any other family again, I chose to file a complaint with the Minnesota Department of Education regarding our sons time at the Montessori School. I spent two weeks composing a letter, finding attachments, revising and editing until I had it just so. I submitted it to the State and a case was opened. Sixty days later we finally received word of their decision.
I sat at the mailbox and read the letter. Skimming as quickly as I could to find the decision. And when I read it, I laughed in disbelief. I looked at our son, sitting next to me, and said, "It is a good day today. Mommy wrote a letter to the State about your time at the school. We didn't want any other little kids to have the same things happen to them and now that school is in a lot of trouble."
With the wisdom that only a child can have at times, he looked at me and said, "Well then, I guess it was worth it."
The Minnesota Department of Education found the School to be in violation of 8 laws in the handling of our son, some of them repeatedly.
It was a bittersweet victory.
I sit now, months away from the initial diagnosis and have a different sense of hope... a different dream. Happiness is found in a life lived fully. A life that is free, curious and creative. And I have no doubt now that our sons days, Autism and all, will be filled with joy.
